Ever been in a situation that doesn’t feel right to you? You could be standing around the coffee machine at work, or you could be on a team night out, but suddenly, you’re witness to an inappropriate situation that’s playing out right in front of you.
Okay, so how do you define inappropriate? It could be a co-worker telling a “borderline” racist joke, a team member getting a little too handsy at work drinks, or a man getting aggressive with his girlfriend at the bus stop.
But what happens when we witness behaviour like this? Well, normally it’s nothing. Normally most of us just stand there as passive bystanders — even when we want to say something or take a stand somehow. (n.b. making faces like this doesn’t count as ‘taking a stand’ 😉)
It’s the term used for our inaction when we witness inappropriate behaviour, and history is littered with examples of people standing by while abuse is occurring — like the 37 people who witnessed and stood by during the infamous murder of Kitty Genovese. Psychologists have given the phenomenon a name — the bystander effect — and they cite three primary reasons which keep us from intervening when we witness harassment:
The bystander effect is so powerful it actually affects how we behave in many day-to-day situations. Check this video out below 👇
An active bystander is simply someone who interprets a situation as wrong and takes action to intervene. This could be during, or after, an incident has occurred, but either way, a decision is made to intervene in some way.
The steps to becoming an active bystander are:
How you choose to intervene can depend on a number of factors, but the most important thing to remember is to put your own safety first!
Lacking the confidence, words and tools to diffuse a situation is a big reason harmful comments and behaviours go unchecked. But, fear not – there are some useful tips and techniques to help you decide on the best course of action, should you feel empowered to intervene. The 4Ds outlined below is a super useful guide, but remember — always put your own safety first!
Part of the reason unacceptable behaviour remains so prevalent in our societies is that by not calling it out — we’re essentially saying it’s ok, and it can become part of what’s just accepted as normal. We know that the bystander effect is a big reason as to why people don’t speak up — but we need to find a way to overcome it — because unfortunately, harassment is on the rise 👇
An investigation by UN Women UK found that a staggering 97% of women have experienced sexual harassment or violence at some point in their life and 70% of women have experienced unwanted and inappropriate behaviour in public. It points to an uncomfortable truth about how incidents like this play-out. Harassment happens in broad daylight, in full view of others, but the majority of people look the other way.
Being an active bystander is by no means easy. It takes courage to speak up and say something, but if you do choose to speak up, it’s likely everyone around you will breathe a sigh of relief - because you were brave enough to take a stand.